Forgiving Yourself.

Forgiving Yourself 

What do you do when the grudge you hold isn’t against anyone but yourself? When your inner critic takes control of your thoughts, shouting things like: How could you do that? Shame on you. You’re unforgiveable. 

When you feel like you can’t forgive yourself, you’re in a battle you can’t afford to lose. Because here’s the hard truth: forgiving others isn’t possible without first forgiving yourself. So there’s no time to run away from this internal battleground. It’s time to suit up in the armor of God and take control of the war in our heads. 

I know it feels overwhelming—insurmountable even. But we can fight this war as long as we know we aren’t fighting alone. 

When the weight of what we’ve done is too much, here’s our battle cry: 

Whenever our hearts make us feel guilty and remind us of our failures, we know that God is much greater and more merciful than our conscience, and he knows everything there is to know about us. My delightfully loved friends, when our hearts don’t condemn us, we have a bold freedom to speak face-to-face with God. 1 John 3:20-21 TPT 

Powerful ammo, right? Another translation of that verse says that God is greater than our feelings. Our minds may make us feel unforgiveable, but our Father (who created every part of us) says we have freedom. 

The enemy tries to convince us we’re condemned, scheming to get us so focused on our mistakes that we hide from God. It’s a pretty dirty trick, because the enemy knows all he has to do to win us over is to disconnect us from our Savior. 

So we hide. And we sit in our own darkness, certain that “we made our bed so now we have to lie in it.” But when we step out of condemnation and into the place of God’s redemption, we have bold freedom to speak with the God who forgives our sins, rights our wrongs, and loves us despite our mistakes. 

We don’t have to live in the enemy’s lies any longer. Through Christ, we have the power to take our thoughts captive and find real forgiveness. 

Here are some tools to help when your own grudge is too heavy to carry: 

1. Acknowledge your feelings. Feeling guilty is good when it leads to God. We all make mistakes. It’s natural (and healthy) to feel remorse when that happens. So when you’ve messed up, acknowledge that you’ve made a mistake and pay attention to the feelings that come with it. Take responsibility. Process and pray about those feelings, but don’t let them fester.

2. Ask God for forgiveness, and confess to others for healing. Tell God your mistake, ask Him for forgiveness, and pray that He’ll help you avoid that mistake in the future. Then confess it to others. Sin grows best in the dark, so bring it to the light of Christ and others. 

3. Take action. Sometimes there actually is something you can do to right your wrong. If that’s the case, do it! If you hurt someone you love, have a hard conversation and repair the relationship. Embrace the natural consequences of your action while also receiving God’s supernatural compassion. 

4. Seek help. If you’re still struggling to fully receive God’s grace or fully forgive yourself, it may be time to bring in professional help. Sometimes there are underlying issues from past hurts that may need to come to the surface. A counselor or a therapist can help you uncover what those might be and give you even more tools for fully experiencing freedom through forgiveness. 

If you’re harboring unforgiveness against yourself, you’re not alone. All of us have made mistakes, yet God chose to pay our debt anyway because He loves us and wants a relationship with us. So don’t allow the enemy to keep you in hiding. Go to God and receive His limitless love that conquers all. 

—Alli, breaking out of the darkness 

Pray: God, help me to receive Your forgiveness and to forgive myself. Show me what steps to take to fully take hold of Your mercy and grace. Surround me with the right people who will point me back to You, and show me what next steps to take to embrace forgiveness, not only for myself but also for others around me. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Ephesians 6:10‭-‬18 NIV : 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

2 Corinthians 10:4‭-‬5 NIV :

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

1 John 3:20‭-‬21 NIV :

If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

James 5:16 NIV :

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Romans 5:6‭-‬11 NIV :

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.