The Grudge

Forgiveness. It’s a concept we all know we should extend to others, but it’s easier said than done. Over the next few days, we’ll discuss how to forgive others, ourselves, and even God. Through real-life people’s experiences, discover how you can find freedom through forgiveness. 

When I used to imagine forgiving others, I always had a picture of what it would look like. First, the person would realize on their own what they had done and how deeply it had hurt me. Second, they would come to me with some big apology wanting to put forth effort and hard work to make everything okay in our relationship again. Sounds simple enough, right? 

I laugh at myself as I write that, knowing that the perfect picture I had in my head is wrong. You see, forgiveness isn’t actually about the other person. Forgiveness is a decision I have to make for myself—a decision to let go of my grudges and choose freedom and love over anger. To choose peace over pain. To choose keeping the relationship over keeping score of who’s right.  

Oddly enough, once I decided to make the decision of forgiveness, the relationship usually started to get better. 

This isn’t a new concept. Since the beginning of time humans have hurt one another. But we’ve all got a choice to either keep holding onto the grudge we’ve been carrying—that self-justified anger that weighs us down and keeps a detailed list of how the other person has wronged us—or to let it go, moving our pride aside and deciding the relationship is worth fighting for by giving our forgiveness.  

Here’s the deal: Holding onto a grudge is kind of like holding onto a cactus. Hang with me on this. It keeps others away from you and it keeps pain inside of you. It doesn’t matter if someone else handed you the cactus. It’s your responsibility to put it down.  

In Ephesians 4, Paul tells the Church to lay aside all bitter words, temper tantrums, revenge, profanity, and insults. Instead we should speak kind and loving words toward one another. Why? Because God has graciously forgiven us. 

We are so unworthy of forgiveness, yet Jesus gives it freely to us. We are called to be like Him. To show others the love of Christ. What better way to exemplify His love to others than to forgive them?

—Madison, releasing the cactus and extending kindness 

Ask: What grudges are you holding on to? How might you let go of your grudge and choose forgiveness instead? 

Pray: God, thank You for freely forgiving us when we don’t deserve it. Help us to extend that same love and grace to others. Soften our hearts toward those who have wronged us, and help us become more like You by loving others the way You do. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Ephesians 4:2‭-‬3 NIV : Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:29‭-‬32 NIV : Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 Micah 7 :13 : Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

Psalms 103:1‭-‬22 NIV : Praise the Lord , my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.  Praise the Lord , my soul, and forget not all his benefits—  who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,  who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,  who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.  The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.  He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:  The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.  He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;  he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;  as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;  for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.  The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field;  the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.  But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord ’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—  with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.  The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.  Praise the Lord , you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.  Praise the Lord , all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.  Praise the Lord , all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the Lord , my soul.

John 13:34‭-‬35 NIV : “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”