But I must be honest their is doubt in my heart. Because of the things that's happened in my life. My heart has callouses on it. My heart has become hardened.
So when I was reading today's Devotional I started to cry. I can't feel God's love , I feel as though I've been abandoned. Just like in life with everyone who I've loved always leaves me in the end. So I don't feel supported.
But I've also realised I don't love myself and I have abandoned my own feelings.
As it says in the devotional "Trying to love without first receiving God's love is like trying to water something with a hose that's disconnected from the faucet. When we receive God's unconditional love for us we can begin to love ourselves.
So I need to receive first and that's a hard thing for me. I would rather give than receive.
But when I look back on my life that is how my heart became hardened. I was always giving and not receiving. People would just use me for what they needed then when I couldn't give no more they abandoned me.
But I once read that even Jesus never gave himself to people as he knew what humans are like. God is the only one that we can trust unconditionally.
This song came to mind and as it started I started to cry....
No comments:
Post a Comment